Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
