Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
