I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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