i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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