ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
