He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
