when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
