Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
