She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
