bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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