With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't deserve a penis
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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