I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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