If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she peed on how many people?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
