Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
