Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
