I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
