there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
