do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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