I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Alive.
So much puke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
