I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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