Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
