he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
