Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
