Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
