We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
