ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
