CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
