Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
