Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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