she smelled like a LAN party
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
