dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
two words: eviction party
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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