That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
