No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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