just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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