just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
