i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring me that man meat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
