Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
