Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
