Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
