I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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