I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
