Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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