My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
