So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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