need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
