I have demons in me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
