I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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