i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
