i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
