Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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