well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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