dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
