Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
