dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
