I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
