Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
